The Truth About Doing It All: You Were Never Meant To

The Pressure to Be Everything (and Do Everything)

It’s that time of year again. Where perfectionists are on the short road to burnout and emotional exhaustion. The inbox fills up with requests, your calendar fills up with events, and your brain fills up with mental to-do lists that never seem to end. Somewhere between “I should start holiday shopping” and “Am I getting sick again?”, you start to wonder: when did life become one big group project that you can’t opt out of?

Many of the women I work with come into therapy saying things like:

“I feel like if I drop one ball, everything will fall apart.”
“Everyone else seems to handle life so much better than I do.”
“I’m exhausted, but I can’t slow down. I don’t know how.”

Sound familiar? This post is for you: the woman who does all the things, often quietly, often beautifully, and often at the expense of herself.

Where “Doing It All” Comes From

We don’t wake up one day and decide to measure our worth by how productive or helpful we can be. It’s learned slowly and subtly, often from early family dynamics or cultural messages that said, “Good girls keep everyone happy.”

Maybe you grew up in a home where keeping the peace meant holding your emotions inside.
Maybe you were praised for being the responsible one, the strong one, the one who “has it together.”
Or maybe, somewhere along the way, you started believing that your value comes from being needed.

These patterns often carry into adulthood. And into your relationships, your work, even your holidays.

I find myself here too. Just this month, I have moved into a new home. Moving has meant big decisions, lots of paperwork with realty and mortgage companies, donation trips to the thrift store, cleaning behind the fridge, and lots of boxes, boxes, boxes. As I’m currently settling into my new home office, I found myself feeling the stress of so much change at once. I have been putting so much pressure on myself to get it all done and to get right back to normal in a snap of my fingers.

But the reality is, settling in after a move is going to take time. And I don’t have to have it all together. It’s okay if life is a bit shaky and unsteady right now. “Doing it all” isn’t sustainable, and it’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s a sign that you’ve been expecting perfection for far too long.

Perfectionism in the Age of Instagram Holidays

And let’s be honest: on November 1, all the holiday influencing comes out of the woodwork. Social media doesn’t make this any easier. One scroll and suddenly everyone’s home looks like a Ralph Lauren Christmas magazine spread. Perfectly coordinated pajamas. Red velvet bows. Steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

What we don’t see are the unposted moments: the arguments before the photo, the tears in the bathroom, the exhaustion behind the smiles, the mess in the other corner of the room.

So if you’re feeling like you’re falling short this season, you’re not alone. You’re just seeing a filtered version of reality and comparing it to your behind-the-scenes humanity.

Journal Prompt

I’ve been wondering, and I encourage you to do the same… What would shift in my life if “good enough” could actually be good enough for you this season?

How to Begin Letting Go

Letting go of “doing it all” doesn’t mean letting everything fall apart. It means gently loosening your grip on unrealistic expectations. The expectations that keep you anxious, guilty, and disconnected from yourself and the present.

Here’s where to start:

1. Name what truly matters to you.
   Write down what’s most meaningful this season. Maybe it’s connection, rest, joy, peace. Let your values be your compass.

2. Let some things stay undone.
   If you can’t bake for every event, send every card, or say yes to every invitation, you’re not failing. You’re being human.

   And let me say this too: If you can’t bake for any event at all, send any cards, or say yes to any invitations, you’re not failing either. You’re still being human.

3. Notice your inner dialogue.
   When a part of you says, “You should be doing more,” try responding with some reassurance. “Everything will be okay if I don’t do this today.”

   Journal Prompt: Consider what this inner part of you is called. Maybe you would name it “inner guilt,” or “the perfectionist in me.” Write out what this part is telling you, what it thinks about, and what it feels. Take a step back and reflect on your feelings towards this part, and see if you can understand where it’s coming from. Then consider ways that you can reassure that part and offer it some support or comfort.

4. Ask for help.
   This one’s hard, but asking for help doesn’t make you a burden. It builds community and a chance to lean on each other.

5. Practice self-compassion daily.
   Self-compassion isn’t indulgent, once a month care; it’s restorative, day-to-day habits. Even taking five deep breaths between meetings counts.

Normalizing Stress and Busyness

Stress doesn’t always mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you care deeply (maybe too deeply) about getting things “right.”

Your nervous system may feel maxed out. It’s human and normal to have a certain capacity for handing daily life. So when stressors start to pile up, you can feel the weight of it, and that capacity has hit its max. A key indicator for me that I am too stressed out is when the small things take me right over the edge. Like when you can’t find a matching sock, and you break down crying or screaming. Even though the real stressors are much bigger, it’s that last little annoyance that pushes the limit.

Your body is asking for permission to rest. For a relief from all the stressors.

You’re allowed to slow down.
You’re allowed to say “no.”
You’re allowed to disappoint someone to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to choose yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.

As a therapist, I often remind clients that life is a juggling act. And sometimes, we have to drop some balls in order to keep the rest in the air. Some of the balls are made of glass, and we can’t afford to drop them. But some of the balls are plastic. It’s okay if they get dropped right now, and we can always pick them back up later.

A Gentle Reframe for the Season

What if this year wasn’t about doing more, but about being more present?

What if your worth had nothing to do with productivity or perfection, and everything to do with the way you show up authentically, even when things are messy?

You were never meant to do it all. You were meant to live, to feel, to rest, and to belong… without earning it.

Looking for More Support

If this post resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many women I work with are learning how to quiet the perfectionism that keeps them anxious and exhausted. Especially around the holidays!

If you’d like a space to untangle these patterns, therapy can help. Together, we can explore where these expectations come from and how to create a life that feels calmer, softer, and more like you.

I’d love to help you navigate this next chapter. Learn more or book a session today.