Feeling Lost in Your 20s? You’re Not Alone.
If you’ve ever looked around and thought, “Is everyone else figuring life out except me?” you’re not alone. The late 20s can feel like one long emotional rollercoaster: one minute you’re thriving, the next you’re wondering if you took a wrong turn somewhere.
At Blue Chair Counseling, I work with a lot of young adults who describe this season as confusing, isolating, and unexpectedly heavy. This post is for anyone who’s questioning their direction, relationships, or sense of self, and needs a reminder that the quarter-life crisis is real, but it doesn’t mean you’re broken.
what is a quarter-life crisis?
A quarter-life crisis is that emotional fog that settles in when life isn’t matching your expectations, or when your expectations no longer match who you’re becoming. It often shows up as:
Feeling directionless or unsure about your next steps
Comparing yourself constantly to friends, coworkers, or strangers on social media
Grieving the version of yourself you thought you’d be by now
This is where I see so much comparison to other people or comparison to the version of yourself that you’d dreamed up as a little kid. I know that I experienced this myself. I had envisioned that being 25 meant being married, living in a nice beautiful home, with a steady job that I loved, and a closet full of fashion-forward outfits. (That last part definitely came from the dramas and sitcoms where they somehow have the newest, cutest clothes every episode.) But when I was getting close to 25, I was single, living with roommates, and working my butt off for a job that was hardly my dream. And I definitely didn’t have a closet full of trendy clothes. I was still figuring myself out. Still figuring out relationships, and career, and even my style. It felt like everyone else had it all figured out, except me. I remember feeling disappointed and discouraged.
why your mid 20s feel like emotional chaos
Your 20s are full of invisible transitions, and many of them happen at once. You’re building a career, navigating relationships, redefining family roles, and learning how to care for yourself for real.
For many adults who grew up in families with emotional dysfunction, this stage hits harder because:
You’re suddenly the one making choices without a map
You’re realizing old coping patterns don’t fit adult life
You’re trying to find stability but you were never taught how
In therapy, I help clients see that it is so normal to feel the disappointment and chaos of these transitions and lost dreams. We work through those early beliefs about success, love, and self-worth so clients can establish a new vision for what their 20s will really look like.
This might be breaking down what your parents expect of you, so that you can discover what you truly value. It might look like learning how to set boundaries with family or friends who still see you as your “old self,” or grieving the version of your life you thought you’d have by now. Sometimes it’s untangling the belief that productivity equals worth, or exploring why rest feels unsafe. Other times, it’s reconnecting with your younger self: figuring out what actually lights you up, what kind of relationships feel nourishing, and what kind of life feels aligned with who you really are.
Therapy during this stage isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about slowing down enough to ask the deep questions, feel the wave of emotions, and building a relationship with yourself that’s based on compassion, not comparison.
signs you’re in a quarter life crisis
Take a moment to check in with yourself. If you’re experiencing any of the following, it might be time to intentionally work through some areas, instead of letting the waves of life toss you around. You might…
Feel jealous of others’ milestones, but also uncertain you even want the same things
Keep switching goals (or styles or friends or jobs) because nothing feels quite right
Feel emotionally exhausted from holding it all together
Find yourself asking, “Who even am I?”
Feel disappointed that life isn’t what you thought it would be
If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. I’ve found that so much of the natural experiences in your 20s are not things that are talked about among friends, which can make it feel like you’re the only one. In therapy, I hear things like, “everyone else has it all figured out,” and “I’m so behind.” But, you’re not alone. Everyone is saying the same thing.
So, offer some grace for yourself, and remember that others are secretly going through (or have gone through) the exact same feelings. These are all normal parts of being in your 20s. It’s a natural growing pain of becoming your full self.
how to cope (without spiraling)
The goal isn’t to fix the crisis. It’s to move through it with more awareness and compassion. Here are a few ways to start:
Get curious, not critical. Instead of judging your confusion, try asking what it’s teaching you.
Check your comparison habits. Social media shows highlight reels, not real life, and definitely not healing.
Let go of the timeline myth. Your path isn’t late, it’s yours.
Talk it out. Therapy can help you name what’s really underneath the anxiety, fear, grief, or unmet needs.
I have helped clients explore what feels so scary about being “late” or “behind.” One client shared about feeling “behind” in dating, that it is the fear of never experiencing her dream romance. We were able to validate that, of course, this is a genuine concern, and explored the unmet needs of companionship and care. We leaned into first meeting that unmet need by fostering friendships that she already had and caring for herself in ways that really matter. We did a lot of processing around her past dating experiences and her family, where that theme came up again of lacking companionship and care. It was through this that she experienced a new type of healing and now could easily show up in places where she built new relationships that aligned with her values and needs.
The quarter life crisis might be the surface level experience, but it is often just the start of a deep exploration in therapy.
what growth looks like on the other side
Healing during this stage doesn’t mean you’ll have it all figured out. It means:
You’re making decisions that feel aligned with your values
You’re being kinder to yourself when things don’t go to plan
You’re learning that uncertainty is a part of life
It’s not instant, but it’s worth it. Transitions take time. But the good news is that time keeps going. And when you are intentional about healing and exploring during these transitions, you may find yourself feeling more hope for the future, more sure of yourself, and more congruent to who you are.
The late 20s can feel chaotic because they are, but chaos often means something new is taking shape. You don’t have to navigate that process alone. At Blue Chair Counseling, I help adults untangle the “shoulds,” release perfectionism, and rebuild self-trust so they can move through this season with more clarity and compassion.
If this resonated, I’d love to help you navigate this next chapter. Learn more or book a session today.