Your First Session: Moving Past the Nerves to Building Trust in Therapy
Imagine this: You took the leap and reached out to a therapist. Now, you’re feeling those anxious jitters—wondering what you’re going to say, feeling butterflies in your stomach, and thinking about it all week, leading up to the day of that anticipated first session. This feeling is completely normal. I’ve been a client myself, and I remember firsthand just how my heart was pounding and my hands felt clammy as I saw my therapist for the first time. I was also feeling hopeful and looking forward to the session, but nerves have a way of taking over.
Let’s walk through what you can expect in your first session, how to calm those nerves, and how to begin building trust in the therapy relationship.
it’s normal to feel nervous for your first session
The weird (and special) thing about therapy is that you’re planning on sharing your personal feelings, thoughts, and experiences with, essentially, a complete stranger. Starting therapy is a pretty foreign experience. It’s definitely not your normal Tuesday afternoon conversation. Sharing intimate details about your current and past experiences is vulnerable! It’s normal to feel nervous for your first session.
Some common anxieties about starting therapy are worrying about being judged, not knowing what to say, not knowing how your therapist will respond, and feeling afraid of the feelings that might come up. The good news is that therapists have done this before. It might be your first session, but it most likely is not your therapist’s first time. Therapists are trained to sit with clients and express empathy, patience, and compassion. Part of our job is to provide a safe space, where you are welcome to be yourself—nerves and all. Whatever you are specifically feeling nervous about, it’s okay to feel that way.
what actually happens in a first session
At Blue Chair Counseling, all sessions are held virtually, meaning you and your counselor will connect through a secure video call. When you first join your session, you and your counselor will take a few moments to introduce yourselves and ensure everything is working smoothly. Your therapist will review informed consent and the limits of confidentiality with you. At Blue Chair Counseling, we provide these documents before your first session, giving you time to look them over in advance. This is the perfect opportunity to ask any questions or share any concerns you may have—we’re here to make sure you feel informed and comfortable.
During most of your session, you’ll have the opportunity to share more about yourself and what has brought you to counseling at this time. How much you share—and at what pace—is entirely up to you. Some people are ready to dive right in, while others take their time opening up. Both approaches (and everything in between) are completely okay. Your counselor will follow your lead and never push you to share more than you’re comfortable with.
Our counselors genuinely value you as an individual and understand that building a meaningful connection takes time. Rather than just asking questions, we take the time to truly get to know you. This process typically unfolds over one to three sessions and continues throughout your counseling journey. There’s no rush to share everything at once—our first session is just the beginning, and we’ll explore your story together at a comfortable pace.
As you share, your counselor will ask thoughtful questions and gently guide the conversation to help you explore your experiences. Some areas that might be of focus include:
Current Concerns – Your present experiences, symptoms, and the specific reasons that led you to seek counseling.
Mental Health History – Any past diagnoses, medications, and previous counseling or mental health treatment.
Family Background – Your relationships with parents and siblings, family dynamics (both past and present), and significant family events such as divorce or death.
Relationship History – Past and current relationships that have shaped or are currently impacting you.
Trauma & Life Challenges – Experiences of abuse, loss, discrimination, or other significant events that have affected you.
Based on what you’ve shared, you and your counselor may begin discussing some initial goals for your counseling journey. This is a great opportunity to express what you hope to gain from therapy and any specific approaches you’d like to explore. If you’re unsure, that’s completely okay—your counselor can help by outlining potential outcomes and explaining her approach to addressing your concerns. Together, you’ll create a path that feels right for you.
You’ll also have the opportunity to get to know your counselor and ask any questions you may have. Whether you’re curious about your counselor’s credentials or what she likes to do for fun, you’re welcome to ask questions!
And before you end your first session, your counselor may check in with you. What did you think about the session? How are you feeling as we wrap up? Please, be honest. It’s so important that you feel comfortable and safe in counseling, so anything that comes up for you during the first session is worth addressing.
the role of the therapist in easing anxiety
As you can see, it’s the therapist’s job to create a safe and welcoming space during the first session. Your therapist will go at your pace, not rushing deep conversation. They will ask questions and guide the conversation, so that you don’t have to know what to say. They may check in and see how you’re doing at each step along the way.
If you share that you’re feeling nervous, your therapist may normalize this experience for you. Therapists may use self-disclosure, which just means that they share personal feelings or experiences with you, as appropriate and when it may be helpful. I often find myself sharing that as a therapist myself, I too get nervous for a first session! This is my way of saying, “hey, you’re not alone.”
Creating a safe and comfortable environment also includes feeling physically comfortable. A therapist may help you feel more at home by being the first one to get comfortable—by drinking her coffee, leaning back in the chair, or putting on a sweater when it gets chilly. This is your permission to do what you need to do to feel comfortable as well.
starting to build trust
A therapist’s job is to support you, first and foremost. During this first session, the goal is to get to know you and to start building trust. If counseling is a good fit, you should feel understood, validated, and comfortable. This is how trust begins.
But trust is a process that takes time. Know that you don’t need to trust your therapist right at the beginning. It’s okay if you trust them just enough to share about your work struggles, but not enough to dive into your childhood trauma quite yet. For now, notice know trust begins. You might feel like your therapist is really listening to you and focused in. You might notice your therapist’s body language is attentive by seeing lots of head nods, eye contact, and mmm-hmms.
You should feel validated and understood too. Your therapist will likely validate and acknowledge what feelings you’ve shared, saying something like, “it makes sense that you were hurt by that” or “I can tell it’s upsetting you even now.” And if they’re a little off with their reflection, they’ll be okay with you correcting them.
Notice small moments of connection during the first session. If your therapist knows the band that you mentioned was your favorite, or you love the beach artwork she has on her walls, you will naturally feel more trust between you and your therapist.
Over time, these small moments of connection and feeling understood will build to a stronger sense of trust that is the foundation for a secure and healing therapeutic relationship.
9 tips to feel more comfortable before and during the first session
Practically, here are a few tips to feel the most comfortable and feel prepared for your first session:
Do a test log-in prior to your appointment to make sure that everything is working well.
Find a quiet & private place where you feel comfortable; whether it be a room in your house or office, your car, or a private place outside.
You may want to have tissues, a (non-alcoholic) drink, or a journal close by.
Ask a trusted friend what their experience in therapy was like.
Get cozy in some comfortable clothes or under a blanket!
Journal thoughts or concerns ahead of time. Bring these and any questions you may want to ask your therapist.
Take a few deep, slow breaths before your session starts.
Remember you can pause, take breaks, or redirect the conversation. It’s okay to ask for what you need and be honest in the moment.
Take the pressure off! Know that you can discontinue therapy or find a different therapist if you feel like it’s not a good fit.
conclusion
Therapy is a big step to take. Especially if you’re feeling nervous. You deserve to feel so proud of yourself for showing up and getting ready for therapy. Getting started in counseling is such a step of bravery and having that first session means you’re one step closer to finding healing and growth for yourself. Cheers to that!
Nerves are temporary, but the potential for healing and growth is lasting. If you’re feeling brave today, reach out to schedule a consultation call or schedule your first session! I’d love to connect!