Beyond the Basics: Deep Topics to Explore in Therapy

You may be starting therapy with a clear goal in mind, like managing anxiety, navigating a life transition, or coping with stress. Although therapy is a great place to process one specific issue, therapy can go far beyond symptom relief. Today, I’m highlighting the deeper, often transformational topics for therapy that a good therapist can help you explore.

understanding the value of deep work

What is the “deeper” work that we’re talking about? I consider the deep work as anything that is core to your identity and lived experiences. Think: the core beliefs about who you are, the patterns of behavior that underscore your relationships with others and yourself, and the emotions that you feel at a vulnerable level.

Going deeper is hard. It often takes vulnerability; and being vulnerable requires feeling safe, comfortable, and trusting in your therapy. At the start of the therapy process, you may not be going too deep because you are still building that level of trust with your therapist. That’s totally okay and normal. As you get to know your therapist, she will help you feel comfortable by offering validation, showing you that she understands, and expressing genuine empathy. As you experience that she is able to hold your surface-level concerns with care, you may feel more trust and readiness to address the vulnerable, deep topics in therapy.

A good therapist with whom you’ve built trust and rapport can guide you in processing some of the deeper topics for therapy, including core beliefs and negative self-talk.

core beliefs and negative self-talk

Beliefs are so important to our day-to-day life. They often form in early childhood or adolescence and are continually solidified as we grow up. These beliefs continue to shape the rest of our lives: they shape our relationships, our self talk, our thinking patterns, and even our behavior patterns.

In therapy, you may start to notice those core beliefs by the way that you talk about your experiences. A good therapist will point out, “hey this is a theme that’s been coming up quite a lot.” And as we dive deeper into that theme we might start to name it as a core belief.  This is when it starts to take form, as we realize that there are words to name this belief that is foundational to so much of our thinking, our emotions, and our behaviors. A core belief might sound like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m too much.” Maybe, “I’ll never be loved” because “there’s something wrong with me.”

Core beliefs are often negative when we start our therapy journey, but the goal here is to introduce new, positive beliefs and self-talk. We do this by being curious about the beliefs, meeting them with compassion, with clarity, with connection. As we uncover and build insight into the core beliefs, we allow room to shift them into more positive, compassionate beliefs.

inner child wounds

Core beliefs sometimes overlap with inner child wounds. In childhood, kids are so sensitive to the environment around them. It’s part of our development to be constantly learning and responding to the relationships with caregivers, the experiences at home and at school, and interactions with family members and peers. All of these moments build a “schema,” or an understanding, of how the world works. So, when there are hurtful moments–big moments like abuse or an accident, or small ones like a mean jab from a sibling–we learn from and internalize that hurt into how we see the world and ourselves.

Inner child work involves looking at the part of yourself that still feels like a hurting little kid. The part of you that still has a really big feeling come up when you experience a specific triggering moment. Or the part of you that feels alone at your core. Topics for therapy here might be recognizing the unmet needs from your childhood, or processing certain experiences you’re starting to notice that really formed a pattern. Again we’re looking at deep and often vulnerable experiences that still contribute to hurt.

In the therapy room, we get the honor of nurturing that part of yourself that is still hurting. Some techniques that are focused on inner child wounds are the Internal Family Systems model and practicing self compassion, mindfulness, and somatic experiencing.These treatments focus on building empathy for the younger part of yourself that’s hurting, bringing awareness to your emotions and feelings in your body, and building insight that you only now have as an adult, looking back.

identity and self-concept

Childhood experiences can shape our identity and self-concept, but so can so many other experiences in our life. To process deeply the idea of self-identity, topics for therapy may include exploring who you are beyond roles and expectations, addressing self-esteem, and understanding how your identity has been shaped by family, culture, or trauma.

In counseling, we will start to uncover how you see yourself. For some people this may be in the context of perfectionism–having high expectations and standards for themselves that they will never be able to meet. For others, this might be exploring the unspoken roles that you held in your family, like being the one that takes care of everybody else’s emotions or feeling like the black sheep who can never do anything right.

These roles and expectations are just examples, but start to consider what roles you have embodied that may have formed your identity, whether you liked it or not. It starts to become clear in therapy how these identity roles impact our beliefs about self, our behaviors, and then our patterns throughout life.

Identity also looks at what is important to us, as an individual: sexuality, religion, career… You might explore how your work impacts how you see yourself. Or how your past experiences have impacted your sexuality. How trauma has shifted your religious beliefs. There’s often a combination of beliefs, experiences, and emotions that are involved in these parts of identity.

Therapy allows for exploring these concepts, but also can create a sense of connection and feeling understood, right there in the therapy room. This is one of my favorite parts of being a therapist–to affirm the identity in a client by expressing that I see them and value them for who they are.

attachment and relationship patterns

Attachment and relationship patterns are also one of my favorite areas to work on with a client. We talk about parents, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, coworkers and peers, bosses, siblings. Every relationship has patterns, and those patterns can form a lasting impact on your future relationships and even your relationship with yourself. In counseling, we work to identify the patterns and attachment styles that might be underlying each relationship in your life. 

And once you first see the pattern, it’s hard to unsee it. This insight helps us identify where you’re getting stuck, where past relationships have impacted your beliefs and self-esteem, and where you might be engaging in the pattern too. As you increase your understanding of the patterns, you may work on building skills for setting boundaries, expressing yourself, challenging negative self-beliefs, aligning your behaviors with your values, setting realistic expectations, and overall, building healthier connections that last.

spirituality and existential questions

Because therapy is a safe space, you can address spiritual or religious experiences here without worrying about being judged or starting a theological debate. You are welcome to process any spiritual trauma, hurt, or any confusing experiences. You may also want to discuss existential questions, such as exploring meaning, purpose, and values. A good therapist will allow for an open and safe environment where you can freely process your beliefs, questions, and emotions.

It’s a therapist’s job to provide a safe and nonjudgmental space, but it’s also important to build trust with your therapist. You may feel more comfortable if you ask how your therapist views spirituality and how they will address it in session before you begin sharing. That’s okay!

It’s also important to note that a therapist isn’t a spiritual leader – meaning we won’t teach theological or religious doctrine. Personally, I will share some of my own spiritual beliefs and understanding with clients, if they’ve asked for spiritual integration in session, but I still recognize that my role is not Pastor or Teacher. Instead, a counselor can help you explore what you believe, how your spiritual experiences have impacted you, your connection to a religious community, and even your relationship with God.

cultural and systemic issues

Many people experience trauma that is experienced on a generational, cultural, or systemic level. Part of counseling might be discussing what that trauma is and how to identify intergenerational and cultural trauma in your life. We can recognize how trauma can be passed down through generations and experienced systemically. When you make sense of this, it can feel validating and help you feel not alone.

Therapy can also help you identify the impact of systemic issues and work to build skills to cope with the issues and even advocate for systemic changes. This can be a truly empowering aspect of counseling, in addition to the emotional processing that might take place.

In bringing up cultural and systemic trauma, it may feel important for you to find a counselor who identifies or understands your specific experience. This is a big reason why I offer a consultation call before a client commits to therapy: so you have the chance to see if we’re a good fit! You may be looking for a therapist who has shared cultural experiences, and it’s okay if you’re picky as you choose a therapist!

what to expect when going deeper

When going deeper in any of these topics for therapy, remember that this deeper work unfolds over time. It will likely not be addressed all at once. It’s okay if it takes time to build trust with your therapist before opening up about the deeper things. It’s okay if it you share just one memory or experience or belief at a time. It’s okay if you start on the shallow end and work your way to the deeper, more vulnerable areas.

A therapist will make sure that, when going deeper, you stay in your “window of tolerance.” This means that we’re going deep enough that it is making a therapeutic impact, but not too deep that you feel overwhelmed and dysregulated. A good therapist will notice if you’re going too far, then guide you to slow down or take a break. Your therapist might help you stay regulated by using grounding techniques like deep breathing and noticing your surroundings, or by prompting you to comfort yourself with a gentle hand on your heart or a word of reassurance.

Also remember that you don’t have to have it all figured out to get started. When beginning in counseling, you are welcome to address any of these areas; you can let your counselor know you’re interested in talking about inner child wounds, for example, without knowing exactly how to talk about them. Your therapist will be able to prompt you and guide you with questions to help you explore your specific experiences.

It’s a therapist’s role to guide and support the process, but you can also speak up for yourself too. You are more than welcome to let your therapist know when things are getting to be too deep. You can ask to go slower, to change directions, or to take a break. It’s ultimately your time and your choice if you want to, and how you want to, explore the deeper topics for therapy.

reflection

There’s no pressure to dive deep until it feels right. And when it does, I encourage you to stay curious and open to what might unfold in therapy. Exploring one deep area might lead you to another that you didn’t expect.

I hope that some of these topics for therapy resonate with you as a potential area to explore. If any stick out, you might consider bringing them up in your next session!

And if you’re ready to start a journey to go deeper in therapy, let’s connect! You can send me an email asking to schedule a consultation call, where we’ll see if we’re a good fit. I’d love to hear from you!